Cream teas: A Treatise

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the cream tea, an afternoon mini-meal originating from and popular in Devon and Cornwall, is one of the most categorically perfect food combinations ever to have graced the dining tables of this land. But how, so to say, to optimise this very perfection?

Cream teas have four components:

Scone
These vary in size, consistency and, though it pains me to say it, ingredients. It’s generally agreed that they should be fresh and homemade and therefore perhaps warm from the oven, though that may melt your cream.

The texture should be slightly crumbly though not so much that bits break off when you’re trying to eat. The taste: bland, and I would say slightly salty. Some people prefer sultana or raisin scones. I disapprove. There is an elegant and simple purity to each of the four components of a cream tea, and no need at all for raisins.

You cut the scone in half, and cream/jam each side individually.

A pronunciation note. I'm afraid these are not scoans. They are scons. Although I accept we could argue about this all day. 

Jam
Strawberry. Homemade is best, and with chunks of fruit in. It should never be so cold that it’s too solid to spoon. It should not come in hotel-style individual servings.

Cream
Clotted. Very thick. It often has fragments of butter on top.

Tea
I’m sorry to be so firm on this, but it’s not possible to substitute coffee. The teapot is an important visual part of proceedings, and the fragrance of the tea complements the strawberries perfectly. To be taken with milk. No sugar. I've always had Indian, not Chinese. Anyway, you don't really put milk in Chinese tea.

All of the above should ideally be provided in near-excessive quantities.

Jam first? Or cream first?
Now then. There is much debate over which should be spread on the scone first: jam or cream. I come squarely down on the cream first side. The logic:

a)     the cream is much like butter, and therefore belongs on the bread/scone first

b)    it’s no good the jam soaking into the scone. Then the scone is all jammy and the jam all sconney and then where are we? The cream forms an important impermeable layer between jam and scone

c)     the first taste should be the jam – then the cream melts in the mouth. If you have to wait for the layer of cream to melt before getting to the jam taste, then the whole thing is too delayed and what you taste first is a whole load of fat

d)    it’s hard to spread very thick cream on jam. In my opinion, if you can spread the cream on top, it’s not thick enough. Equally, if you can’t spoon the jam on top, your jam’s too thick.

Behold also the aesthetic of the thing:

Ah, elle est jolie, la scone!

Urgh, qu'est-ce que c'est ca, c'est horrible!

So, it’s cream first all the way for me, I’m afraid. If anyone would like to advance well-reasoned comments for the other party, you’re most welcome, but the simple fact is that cream first tastes better.

A final note: once you have taken a bite, it is entirely acceptable and to be strongly encouraged to then spread the exposed scone interior with further cream and jam. In that order, of course …

Comments

[El Encuarnedor]

Brilliant. I have been for many years a jam first man. But I think you have me convinced and I will try it out next time I visit the West Country. A matter for debate....does it really taste the same outside Cornwall, Devon, Dorset and Somerset?

As for the tea...I suggest that from Ceylon is also permitted.

And as a matter of style - you should not keep being afraid of your opinions. Just tell us like it is.

[Nick]

Words cannot convey how wrong jam first it. I am disappointed it is even considered. Otherwise I agreed whole heartedly - apart from strawberry, raspberry just pips it to the post

[Michael W]

So, the thing is jam has to go first because

a) it has a firmer consistency than cream.
b) it should be present on the scone in more volume than jam, added in but a thin layer.

The net result of this is that spreading a thin layer of cream on a thick layer of cream is needlessly difficult unless you happen to have the confiture in some kind of spray gun. Without this, you may as well try and coat a cloud in pitch.

[Michael W]

there should be more cream than jam I failed to say

[Debbie]

It's the easiest thing in the world to spread a thin thing (jam) on a thick thing (cream). More difficult the other way round, I would have thought.

Plus, see above, the cream MUST be very thick and the jam SHOULD be homemade and not too thick at all. See illustration b, where you will note the cream forms higher and stiffer peaks than the jam, evidencing its denser consistency.

Note also, if you will, as clinching evidence, illustrations b, where the jam sits nicely atop the cream, and c, where an attempt to spread the latter on the former results in some mixing and a horrid, hybridised and, frankly, unholy pink mess.

[Michael W]

I'm taking it to Facebook and I'm sure the servers will crash with all comments from the jam-ante-cream league! Well, my sister will reply anyway.

[Michael Willoughby]

I already have three spirited advocates of jam first on my profile, so this is not settled. I can't you've created another problem to think about in addition to the "milk or tea first?" and "which way round does the toilet roll go?" ones.
I'm not so naive these days that I think the Queen can decide them all.

[Fiergus]

i feel i could live on scones/cream/jam alone. i think the scones we get here are far inferior, and also the snobbish women who have never worked call them sconces. when i worked in the coffee shop after school, i would invariably try to wrestle one off the wall, but had no luck.
oolong does quite well, i find.

[Debbie]

oolong is also one of the finest words known to humanity