Apple, mango, pink grapefruit, cabbage, orange, pear, peach. Let's play spot the odd one out.
No? Ok, let's see if you can get this one. There are two odd ones here: Squeezed, fermented, sweetened, pulped, heavily salted.
How about fermented, heavily salted cabbage juice? Now that's about as odd as it gets.
I'm pulling out all the stops for this feast of a dinner.
DINNER
Dehydrated salmon with potatoes and dill sauce
Dehydrated mixed fruit and custard
Powdered red wine
Yummy, right?
After today's lunch, my tastebuds are crying out for some attention, and having spent the morning valiantly fighting off the undead, I need some energy.
SNACK
Energy gel (tropical)
Freeze-dried pineapple
Has lunch come round so soon? Great. My zombie-enforced prandials today consist of the most iron of rations and it doesn't look too tasty.
LUNCH
Standard emergency ration
Emergency drinking water
Welcome to DDD's day of emergency rations.
It's my first meal under zombie attack and thank goodness I've laid in some emergency rations to see me through this difficult time …
BREAKFAST
Dehydrated scrambled eggs and onions
Tinned bread
Puffballs are fat fungi. Really morbidly huge. The swollen spheres range in size from golf ball to beach ball, and you can often spot them in late summer nestling unwanted in lawns with uptight gardeners tutting neurotically over their prone forms. When they mature, they turn into teeny spore bombs, liable any second to explode their contents all over your shoe in a highly inedible (though exciting) manner.
But before then, in the first flush of their youth, there are what seems like a couple of precious seconds where they're just like most other mushrooms: savoury and delicious.
Anyone for a game of spot the puffball … ?
It says tropical, it says holiday, it says kickin’ back and not giving a damn. It’s strong enough to be drunk by a rugged sailor, but sweet enough to taste good, and a fine enough mix to slip down nicely all night long. It’s a little naughty – and a little dirrrrty. Mmmm …
Peaches and almonds are a perfect pair because they are the same. Oh but they are. No honestly, they are.
Examine if you will, gentlemen, a peach. Examine now an almond still in its fruit. Now if you’ll come with me to the next table, behold here a peach stone. And here an unshelled almond. And now, over at the cracking station, a peach kernel – and an almond. What do we see? Yes indeed - they are as like as thou are to thyself (with apologies to Messrs Horatio and Shakespeare who scholars agree were probably not talking about stone fruits at this juncture in the play …)
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