Bored of mint? Me too. Every bloody thing from mouthwash to toothpaste to … After Eights is mint mint mint mint mint mint mint. Enough of the mint already. ENOUGH. What better, then, than replace this all-purpose cleanser with the flavour of proper food? Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you breakfast floss.
First off, these are ULTRA good-looking. Compact and cute, the pictures on the front have a pleasing fifties retro feel. Oooh, coffee, bacon and waffles. Make mine a short stack and no cream. And that parsley sprig is just adorable.
But next to the cuteness and oh-my-GODness, the elephant in the room is that one doesn't, of course, taste floss. It's basically just string, and you don't so much suck it as just guide it in the vicinity of your tongue, avoiding all contact. Even distinctly minty [a prize for anyone who gets the reference there] floss is 'tasted' from the fumes more than anything. This lovely product was doomed from the off.
So, the waffle has got the fume experience just right - it gives off maple
wafts you can smell coming a mile away, which are in fact so powerful they've
contaminated the bacon and coffee. This is very nice. But where smell
succeeds, sight and taste fall head first into the mud.
In impregnating the string with waffliness, the manufacturers Messrs Accoutrement have discoloured it brown. I don't know about you, but if there's one word I don't want applied to my dental products it's 'discoloured'.
Moreover, it tastes of nothing. NOTHING. Maybe I'll have better luck with pungent coffee and savoury bacon.
Not at all. These honies don't even smell of anything, let alone taste. Nothing to suggest succulent smoked pork but the picture on the box. And if I want to wake up and smell the coffee, I'll need to go to Cafe Nero.
As ever, there's the weird+design+yuk factor which plays strongly with me, but even so I want something else from this product. To be blunt, I want my gimmicky crap to be gimmickly flavoured, thank you ever so much.
Pros: Little pictures. Bacon. Bringing joy to a dental item.
Cons: Flavourless but not colourless.
More? Bacon lip balm, a pop-up waffle house, an American diner and oodles of brunches.
Blackadder - now what's the prize?
Posted by: Giorgi | 08/20/2010 at 02:34 PM
I'm going to need more detail than that!
Posted by: Debbie | 08/20/2010 at 02:45 PM
Prince George in Black Adder the Third, Dish and Dishonesty (1987) - anti-distinctly minty-muntanism - I have to admit to a Google for the exact detail... but I should get the prize anyway methinks
Posted by: Giorgi | 08/31/2010 at 05:49 PM
Excellent. What would you like? I'll find something exciting for you. NB new comedy competition in most recent post about Katzenjammers …
Posted by: Debbie | 08/31/2010 at 05:52 PM
This idea is awesome man! Hehe… Honestly, I floss because there are times that brushing can't totally remove some debris within my teeth. Every time I finish my meal and brush my teeth, I floss to make sure that there no debris within my teeth.
Posted by: Fred Collinsworth | 04/04/2011 at 07:18 AM